Eleven Secret Herbs and Spices, and Other Junk-Food Lies

The other day I saw the wonderfully named “Dead Hippie Sauce” on the menu of a designer burger joint, or nip joint for those of you who’ve never been out of Manitoba, and it put me in mind of the sublime “Triple O Sauce” invented by that legendary West Coast chain, White Spot.

This, from Wikipedia:

For “Triple-O” sauce, it has been reported that, as the condiments used in the restaurants came in large containers, the excess dill pickle juice was swirled in the depleted mayonnaise jars, this mixture was then put into the depleted ketchup containers, then adding relish from the depleted relish containers, to which was added the juice and residue from the slicing of tomatoes, adding the resultant mixture to a commercial Thousand Island dressing.

may be apocryphal, but to me is actually entirely credible, given that during my brief career as a soda-jerk in an unnameable Winnipeg eatery I was taught how to do strawberry shortcake when we’d pretty much run out of, er, strawberries. It took me a whole cigarette to reconstruct one in my mind, but I’m pretty sure it went like this:

You sieved out anything solid still floating in  the juice/syrup at the bottom of the can, and formed a few small strawberry chunkettes from that, to which you added as much fresh strawberry and red gelatin as you could shave undetectably from the store-bought strawberry pies in the chiller, then slightly over-saturated the bottom half of the shortcake with the above-mentioned juice, went heavy on the aerosol whipped cream, and stuck a glace cherry on top. I never had one sent back, though of course we’re talking Canadians here.

The waitresses usually ignored my entreaties not to take any more orders for this item until more canned strawberries arrived. CeCe, my favourite, was more cooperative, though, and also had this wonderful turn of phrase when she had diners in a hurry: “Hey Bill – the sooner the possible, eh?”.

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